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Thursday 16 November 2006

Indifference? Not really!

What do you call that reaction when two months after you added a counter to your blog, with just fifteen visitors till date, you're still thinking whether to be happy or sad about it? I bet it will be a similar situation with me if my company, with its usual 'out of the obvious' weird ways, decides that they had enough of me in USA, and asks me to pack-up, without a question on whether I had enough or not!

When you clearly feel the difference, this certainly is not indifference, ain't it? You're affected by the outcomes in each situation, and so it's not any kind of altruistic aloofness either. It's not even a confused state of mind because you're clear of what to do, whichever be the situation that'll unfold. No, you cannot call it indecisiveness either, because me deciding will not affect the outcome in any manner. And yes, in case I had the power to decide, I certainly have preferences too!

When I think a bit deeper, I find that its my inability to weigh the pros and cons of each situation, which render me unable decide which is bad or which is good. For instance, I'm happy when my blog readership remains low (and i refrain from any kind of crowd-pulling strategies that bloggers get addicted to) because I know that all my private conversations are still unaccessed though in the public domain. But, then, I'm equally disheartened when I see that my ideas do not attract any kind of subscription.

Ahem, you may say that I'm in a cogitative state, with a mind that's clouded with thoughts in an atmosphere so dark and humid!

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